I was looking for some advice on how some of the parents out there would handle the situation that my son tayton and I are facing. First and foremost I have no problem with girls wrestling a matter a fact I have seen some girls that are very very good. I want to make thata clear.
Tayton told me many years ago that if he ever had to wrestle a girl that he would not do it, since taht time I havn't had to worry about that b/c he has never been put in that situation until now. At subs there are only 2 kids in 82 pound weight class tayton and a girl. His exact words were " I will not wrestle a girl no matter if it is at subs or for a state title the bible says to treat woman with respect" I believe that he will not wrestle her at subs and I am not sure how to handle this. Tayton has 2 losses on the year and has as good of a chance as anybody to do very well at Topeka. I respect his decision and it says alot for a 11 yr old boy to think that way. WHAT WOULD YOU DO

He should wrestle whoever is in his bracket, otherwise, he shouldn't wrestle. As a wrestler, you are on the mat to compete against whoever you face. Otherwise, he will avoid the wrestler who has no legs, is blind, deaf or mentally challenged. I am not saying that a female wrestler is equivalent to any of these scenarios, I am just saying that a wrestler is on the mat to compete to the best of their ability, regardless of who their opponent is.

If he doesn't wrestle her in my eyes that would be showing great disrespect to her. Have you tried to explain it that way? She is out there and wants to wrestle who ever else is put out there. Very disrespectful, but I am sure he is not seeing it through her eyes. Try and explain it that way and good luck to you all!

Very good point. I think that is what I was trying to say, but you said it better. Respect your opponent, whoever your opponent may be.

I respect his choice with what he is feeling, but I feel if he refuses to wrestle her that he would be showing disrespect toward her and the sport of wreslting. I know Tayton, and he is a very tough wrestler, I would hate for him to miss out on his chance of a high placing at the state championships due to something like this. I have two nieces that wrestle, and both of them are tough wrestlers, I can promise you that they dont care if they wrestle a boy or a girl, they are going out on the mat and facing another wrestler no matter the gender. Good Luck in teh next 3 tournaments no matter what his decision is.

Lance Geyer

I would say that you have one solid 11 year old son.

The boy made the right choice. Winning is not worth the price one must pay for going against their conscience, and in this case, the boy was not only thinking of the girls’ safety, but of what he considered appropriate and he stuck to those principles. Throughout scripture, you see clear distinctions about the way men should treat women. A blast double and a hard cross face conflict with those examples.

I applaud him.

I too admire his convictions! So he takes 2nd in the bracket and moves on to District! Once there he will be on the opposite side of her. If they meet in the finals at District ... once again they will be on opposite sides. If they end up in the State finals and he sticks to his convictions, I for one will stand and applaud him!

He got those convictions from somebody. He feels so strong if you try too hard to convince to put those aside, it might not turn out well.

I understand the ‘respect your opponent no matter what that gender’ (race, height, no discrimination) argument, however can Tayton be FORCED to wrestle her? Not really.

Let’s just pretend you get him to go out on the mat to ‘wrestle’ her. He does not want to be there. So, he just sticks his hand out for a 'shake', the whistle blows, he lets her headlock him and throw him to the mat for a quick and easy pin because he just does not care. Then of course, he storms off of the mat that you MADE him go on to . . . quite possibly to never return to that mat EVER again.

Is the above, really worth all of that? How many high school girl state champions (and I mean no disrespect to girls wrestling boys – I admire their courage) do you know that are wrestling with young men? “None” would be my answer after being around wrestling for about 40 years.

As a parent (and a teacher) I would talk to him at a calm moment in a very soft voice and say something to this effect (and the shorter the better):

“Son, I love you and always will no matter what. As you may or may not know, sometimes in life we have to make some very hard decisions. Some people like to make life a very B/W kind of thing. Rarely is it that way (give a few examples to him if you want).”

Then take the role as a CONSULTANT, rather than an over-controlling parent – it’s his life. Let him make his choices. This does not involve something legal or illegal (I will not get into the ethical nature of the situation because I believe it varies from person to person).

“Son, do you mind if I go over some things that you might not have thought of regarding wrestling that girl?” If he says, "sure Dad. Let’s talk about it."

THEN, he is teachable at that moment, on this subject. So, do what a consultant would do. Show him as many options and possible consequences of his actions. Teach him about respect. Teach him about empathy. Be a good therapist. Ask him lots of questions in a kind way, not threaten, guilt-producing questions.

Basically, the choice is his. You CANNOT FORCE HIM TO WRESTLE. That just simply makes no logical sense. Think about it. Saying with a FIRM VOICE, "You will wrestle her, and you will try your best! Do you understand me boy?!" That is an unenforceable statement. It is unenforceable because you cannot control his arms, legs, body.

Here is an ENFORCEABLE statement,” if you do not clean up your room, then I will NOT give you your weekly allowance.”

I'm writing 'all over the place' due to several distractions going on around me. I am sorry about that.

In a nutshell, it is his life. You cannot force him to wrestle. If you did 'force' him to wrestle, what will it do emotionally, long-term to him? Are you willing to potentially pay that big of price? Yes, it is sad for the girl and I think he should be told this. But you are responsible for your son, not her (that is her parent’s job). It will not be the first time (or last) that something like this has/will happen to her. It is just a simple, hard fact of life that any girl in her situation will have to deal with this kind of thing often.

I have empathy for all involved. Often times in life, hard - hard decisions have to be made. Life is tough. Thankfully however, it is not a life or death decision.

Many, many teachable moments here. Good luck and love you boy and respect his decision is what I would do.

Martin Luther (of the Protestant Reformation of the 1500’s – not the one of the 1960’s) put it well:

“To go against one’s own conscience is neither safe nor wise.” Well, something like that, again my three noisy daughters are driving me nuts right now as I type this. But they are kids and I am choosing at this moment to do what kids do and NEED to do, have fun, release some energy.

Anyway the loose paraphrase is still valid. It seems like your son has a serious conviction about this situation. Therefore, I believe to try to get him to go against it, would be, “neither safe nor wise.”

That is just my long-winded two cents worth. My apologies for not being able to put my thoughts together in a more concise manner.

Please keep me informed. As a human and a teacher and a parent, I am very interested in how all this plays out. You could PM me if you didn't want to share with the whole board.

However, if you never want to communicate with me ever again in any fashion, I will think no less of you. I respect your right to never communicate with me ever again, if that is what you chose. Freedom is a cool thing. Even for little boys, growing up to be young men. We learn a lot from freedom. And what is the opposite of freedom? And how much does a slave learn? Things to think about. Again, I wish all involved the best. Sincerely.

You don't have to wrestle your opponent. You can forfeit. It's a personal choice. This came up last year, I think an Iowa kid had a big match that he forfeited because of his religious beliefs. There is a school in Kansas that won't let their kids wrestle girls. If your religion insists that men and women don't touch each other, then do what your religion commands.

And beyond religion, there's the physical contact issue and I understand that. If a boy is personally uncomfortable with touching a female as required by the nature of sport, don't do it. We avoid uncomfortable situations in life all the time.

I would ask your son to consider his decision from the girl's perspective if he has that leeway. She obviously doesn't think its disrespectful so is it? If some people are offended by a certain action, but I'm not, your action in my presence is not offensive to me. So wrestling a girl, who is out for wrestling, is not disrespectful to her, as a general proposition. In fact, some have argued that wrestling her is actually a sign of respect. If the Bible says "respect" women, how does avoiding a female wrestler show her respect? Hasn't she worked hard to be there just like you? Haven't her parents and friends shown up to cheer her on? Hasn't her coach spent his time getting her ready? So when she steps out of the mat to wrestle, she's told that she doesn't get to wrestle because he opponent has "too much respect for women?" Don't be surprised if she doesn't see it that way....

ask him if he was on the football team and the played a team with a girl on it would he not play same with basketball she chose the sport as of u i would tell him she has wrestled for a few years i know my son wrestles her its a tough deal but not wrestling her might show her that she not wanted and we dont want that either if he has to wrestle her different fine but his choice hope he does well hope to see at state

Tayton stick with GOD he won't miss lead you, and I will also stand and applaud you. Its your choice and it sounds like you can live with it. Dad don't misguide your son here, its his choice and you should be greatly proud of him. Doesn't mean disrepect it means great respect with his beliefs.

This happened at the 4A state tourney last year. Krista Revelle was supposed to wrestle someone on the backside of the bracket, but due to his beliefs he forfeited to her, thus putting himself out of the bracket.

Nicely done young man!! Guys the reason he is using is the farthest from being disrespectful to this young lady!! A pastor once told me that if you listen long enough, the Holy Spirit will give you all the answers you seek...sounds to me that your son is an excellent listener and is sticking to his morals and values...of which you should be very proud...nicely done on your part as well!! Good luck to you and your son...I think he has answered your question for you!!

This is crazy. You wrestle your next opponent. Boy\girl\man\woman\green/red whatever, if they signed up to wrestle then so be it. No disrespect, but you wrestle with the same intensity that you would any match. Not a question Dad!

They do have girls tournaments that are very respectable!!

stand up for your son's belief's, no matter what opinion's are offered on here. i would try and tell him it's ok to wrestle a female wrestler but if he is still against it tell him it's ok and support him.

there is no sport in the world worth going against your belief's. have him walk on the mat shake hands and walk off the mat and take the loss and move on to district's and maybe he won't run into her again.

i know some people are saying you are showing disrespect, but what's does it say when you go against your belief's to show respect to someone else but disrespect yourself.

what ever this young man decide's there aint no wrong in what ever he dicides tell him to keep his head high no matter what anyone's opinion is. jmo

dean i think you are wrong about there never being no girl high school state champions.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Michaela Hutchison became the first girl in the nation to win a state high school wrestling title while competing against boys.

Hutchison won the final of the 103-pound weight class during Alaska's big school wrestling championships. The Skyview High sophomore entered the state tournament ranked No. 1 in her weight class.

if i am right i think there are a few more girls that have won high school state titles.

No 'thinking' about it. I was wrong. Thank you for the correction.

Impressive! Good for her.

It appears (I'm more careful with my words and statements now!) that it has been done a total of three times (including the one you listed above).

All at 103 pounds. 3 champs from two different states.


Still. . . good for them. What courage!

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/28/sports/28wrestling.html?pagewanted=all

Anyway . . . none of this has much to do with the original intent of this thread. The intent (from my understanding!) was a 'conviction/conscience/ethical' concern, not a skill level kind of thing.

But anyway . . . thank you for the correction. We now know that at least three girls have won high school state championships.

My son also has a girl in his sub bracket. When he steps onto the mat and wrestles her just as he would any other opponent, does that mean he doesn't respect women. Anytime this has come up with either of my boys I have given them the same answer. She worked as hard or harder than you to get here. Wrestle your best and may the best wrestler win.

Absolutely not! It isn't even close to being disrespectful to women...this particular young man has his beliefs just like everyone else on here has their's...why can't he make this decision and not essentially be called a coward...I think he is a very courageous young man for going against what seems to be the norm of this thread and sticking to his guns!! Not one person has questioned the ability of this young lady...it is just his personal understanding of Scripture and he should be applauded for keeping his faith...not degraded for making a stand!!