thanks for your post randy and you are right, but not sure about one thing, you can develop film, you can develop land as well as develop a plan of action, but how do you develop a kid to love wrestling? i do not think you can there either going to love it or dislike it, i just do not think you can develop an emotion in someone just my thoughts on the subject.

I agree in part but our (parents), response to our kids, has a lot to do with whether s/he will develop a love for the sport!

I feel like I am restating a soapbox speech from my Bronze clinics but kids have got to have fun until they develop the love. When the adults in our kids life's put stress on our children then they inhibit that love.

It might make a difference if we were talking about a high school aged kid but we aren't. We are talking about children involved in a combat sport. When we put children into those arenas there is already an inherent stress. When you couple that with your child's thought, that their performance may affect the relationship with their parent/s ... that is too much!

Once again, wrestling is a sport that requires the combatant to remain emotionally balanced to perform well. If your wrestlers emotions are running the gambit of the extreme highs and the extreme lows, all within a 3-minute match, perhaps they are not ready for that arena.

... then again my response might be too much!

nope your response was well put and you make a very good point.

Thanks ... lqtm ... now the fire is lit, so just a bit more.

Not only is it paramount that our children have an emotional balance to compete but they need that balance from their support system. How much stress do we expect our kids to endure?

As I said, there is inherent stress! But if a child's wrestling performance means that their parent will respond negatively then they (the wrestler) won't be having fun! Our parents should be the ones our kids reach out to when their emotions get out of whack!

Mommy's are pretty good about this!! Daddy's need to be better at it!!

No performance, no loss, nothing at all should matter!!

This comes from a Dad, who did so many things wrong years ago! I remember a couple of car rides, home from tourneys and home from practices, that I didn't speak to my son. I'm embarrassed to admit that but it's true. I have been converted ... hallelujah!!

We all want our children to do the best they can but if they are worried about pleasing Daddy and Mommy, I question whether they can!!

randy your are so right. I walked into this season with high expectations with my 7 year old. i tried to teach him everything i knew. I still remember the words right out of coach Eds mouth at the coaches clinic. The dad coaches are the ones that have to watch what they do. I am a dad coach and I have learned alot this year. I expect maybe too much and catch myself living that darn dream. I always have to ask my son every time I see that dream. Are you really liking wrestling this year. If not then tell me and we will be done. All year he has said how much he loves wrestling. Just this last week he asked if he could miss practice. I wanted to say yes but I told him we only have 6 practices left lets just finish what we started. Looking back to all the posts I have made this year about the 6 year olds I have to think alot more about what Cokeley and a few others have been trying to tell me the entire time. They are 5-7 year olds. Let them be that age and do not make them not like wrestling. I will look at this in the future and maybe start the season a little later or end it earlier. I really do think the season is a little long. This season is longer than the highschool season. How does that happen. Lots of things to think about before next year. Dont get me wrong I love coaching and watching wrestling but I want to do it right and not want to wonder why my son doesnt want to wrestle in a few years.

thanks randy and bockman and all others you have gave me alot of insite, thats what i needed now i will put all that great advice to work. if any one has more advice for me i sure will take it, the only way to really learn is from people who have been doing this as long as you folks.thanks

Don't have anything to add other then I think this is a really good post that a lot of us dad/coaches can relate to. Thanks Randy. This is why I read these posts!

Nix, I also have had my share of my 5 year old crying. One thing that helped is he finally confided in me that he thought I was mad at him and yelling when he was wrestling. I hugged him tight and told him that I was only trying to help him by giving him instructions, but I have to yell over the crowd for him to hear me and that when you get emotional you stop listening and when you stop listening, you stop wrestling. It has helped tremendously with both me and him. He has gotten much better at controlling his emotions and I make sure and give him a thumbs-up when he is looking at me with an unsure look on his face during the match. I think it lets him know, he is okay.

i ahve another hour so i will post a little longer, my son cried his last match at ottawa, i asked him what was wrong and he said his nose and forhead hurt, i was sad for him because of the pain, but was also happy that it was pain and not because he lost, hope no one takes that the wrong way i did not enjoy him being in pain. all was good in about five minutes.

My son has wrestled since he was 4 and he is now 14 so we have wrestled a while now. He has only cried after 1 match this whole time. And that was when he lost a match to a kid he knew he could beat at districts. But he didn't do it on the mat he gave the kid a hug told him great match and took it outside. Because he thinks you never want another wrestler to see you cry because it gives them the advantage over you. Hope this helps goodluck.

One thing that I have found to work on the little kids (4,5,6 years old) is that I have told them to use there tears as energy in there match. If they are hurt that is one thing but if they are upset and they look over we have a special sign that I give them and it is like a switch that goes off in there heads that there is a huge boost of energy and alot of them have come baack and won a match. There is no yelling just a small hand gesture and there is a animal on the mat. The bad thing is that each one has there own "sign" that I as a coach have to remeber. Just a thought.

man i have to have you teach that to my son. he is one of the top wrestlers at 58lbs but this weekend he didnt wrestle like it. He did his crying and when he does that he is finished. So that is one thing we need to fix down the line and hopefully he can get over it and so can I. its hard to watch your son not wrestle his best and watch him cry for 3 periods rather than wrestle hard. It cost him two matches this weekend.

The best way that I have found is that after the match find out why they were crying and most of the time they will say because I was hurt. I would ask them were you really hurt or were your feelings hurt because you were losing? Guess what 97% of the responses were. Because I was losing. I would then tell them that instead of crying use the tears for energy instead. It may sound cheesy but it works almost every time. I had a 6 year old come back from 11 down to only lose by one on a very close time expired in the third period call. He stood up and got loose just as the wistle blew but he never cried after the match he walked off the mat with his head held high and very tired from leaving everything on the mat.

Most kid wrestlers are done once they start crying during a match. It's like the tears just drain the strengh right outta them. 6 years into this sport and I still have a cryer when he's losing! Get a headlock on him or make him cry and he's done.

Here's another lesson I learned this weekend with my 8 yr old.....it was after a loss and I was trying to go over with him the things he needed to improve on and the things he did right....it was noisy so my voice was raised so he could hear me. After about 5 minutes I noticed a change in his demeanor (not a positive one). It then dawned on my that he thought I was raising my voice at him, not just raising my voice so he could hear me. Luckily I caught it in time and we went into a quiet locker room. I asked him and confirmed that he thought I was raising my voice at him. I then choked back my own tear, apologized and we had one of the best after match reviews we have ever had.

Lesson I learned: From now on I will try and take him some place a lot more quiet so I don't have to raise my voice to be heard. That way he won't confuse it.

By the way....I'm still not sure who learns more during these wrestling seasons, the sons or us Dad coaches!

it's hard to say my boy has learned alot, i have as well. it has brought us closer, and reading these post and talking to everyone at the tournaments has even made me a better father, not only to my son but my daughter as well. and as the years roll by will need to ask some more advice. and i will look forward to the response's in the future once again thanks. great post's everyone.

As this long season comes to a close, I watch and am one of those high intensity Dad/Coaches. At the beginning everyone wants their child to do well. I have 2 sons one 6u and one 8u my 8u is dissapointed if he loses, but my 6u takes it alot more emotionally, age or difference in kids who knows. I have yelled at both for crying and other things and as the season has progressed, with the help of my wife, I have learned how to try and be more understanding when they lose. Don't get me wrong I hate it, but have learned to control some of my anger. I am not alone I see numerous Wives giving the old, one two, to their husbands after they have yelled at their wrestler, myself included. Try this, walk away take a deep breath and then go back and TALK to your child trust me you'll get a better response, instead of getting on him right after he loses. Remember we're here for them!!!!!!