some my not like this post but thats the way it is. after attending alot of tournaments this year and being in ottawa, i have witnessed a lot of coaches or parents yelling at there kids after a match. now if your a parent yelling at your kid, because he made a mistake or lost you need help, and if your a coach and doing it then you might think twice about being a coach!!! you can talk to a kid and get the same affect as yelling no need to degrade the kid. i really feel bad for one in ottawa those near me that post on here knows what corner of the gym that took place. but there were others as well.

all i can say is those that yell at a kid for losing or a mistake needs to enter themselfs into one of these old timer tournaments and see if they to make a mistake.

ANGER HAS NO PLACE AROUND THIS SPORT OR YOUR CHILDREN.

I agree with you. I have seen many coaches (who are also their wrestlers Dad) who don't even wait until their kid is off of the mat before they lay into them. Poor kids lose their match and have someone that they look up to berating them. I'm very thankful that the coaches is our club are all very calm with our wrestlers.

AND DON'T GET ME WRONG THERE ARE ALOT OF WONDERFUL COACHES OUT THERE sry sbout the caps and coache parents, but there are a few that go over board, i guess to correct the post, if you do feel the need to yell. do it else where no one wants to hear it. but i would ask take it easy on the little guy, because all he is trying to do is have fun and please you, after all i am sure most did not wake up at 5 years old and say dad i want to wrestle. that was probaly your choice for the little guy.

i know people get angry quick heck i do. in subs i was hot my son just did not even try and work out of the position he was in, but i still walked up hugged him and told him great job, then we talked about what he could have done diffrent. i give him a hugg before and after his match no matter the out come just to see him smile, i see alot of people who are great to there kids and students, and i think those that do are great and keep it up these kids need our support no matter what.

I will be honest I was exactly like that with my first son, he didn't last until he was ten. He did come back eventually and set some of his own high school records.

My younger boy I didn't even coach him go to practice or anything for the first three years. This year is my first to do so.

I do yell at him but only while he is wrestling and I am not "yelling" at him I am yelling instructions or counter or what have you.

We may talk afterwards about what he could have done better but no yelling after the match. Only High 5's or well we could have done better and this is how.

I have tried to imposae this way of thinking on several other father/coaches just for the pure thought of keeping their boys/girls going for the long haul.

Does anyone right off the top of your head know what place and where you where at exactly a month ago. I don't I could look but I don't know. Point is does it really matter 1st 2nd 5th 6th as long as the kids are still going. I say that but anyone that knows me would laugh their @ss off, but it is true.

I have a 4th year wrestler that still can't wait to go to practice, Ill take that for the next 10 years over 15 first place medals for the next two years then be done.

i would aggree about yelling while there wrestling there is good yelling and bad yelling. my boy is yelling at me right now, i might have to take my comments back a yell back .lol he wants his darn hulk movie ,see you all back on here in a week good luck wrestling this week.

The only time I feel that I lose my cool is when it comes to sportsmanship. If my son throws a raging fit because he lost and he is making a scene, you will see me remove my son from the situation until he regains control of his emotions. I do not agree with yelling at children for losing or making a mistake, but I also do not agree with being a bad sport. Throwing headgear, screaming at thier coaches or parents or the winning opponent are not acceptable behaviors. My son wrestles because he chooses to, I introduced him to the sport yet it is his choice to participate. Therefore if he chooses to show bad sportsmanship, that is where I will draw the line. And believe me folks, as we all know with kids, their fits can feel like a white-hot spotlight is beaming down upon you as the entire gymnasium stares in silent awe while they thrash and scream in an unmatched fury of tantrum. I only expect good sportsmanship, not 1st place, that is my only requirement for my wrestlers.

I do agree with you Nix, and there is a huge difference between trying to get control of you child's emotions and punishing the child because they didn't wrestle up to the parents expectations and I have witnessed both. The parents that are dealing with emotional children, I empathize with them, the parents or coaches that are furious over mistakes or losses, I sympathize for the wrestler.

Good job guys ... I have nothing to add!

Except I would love the opportunity to have these parents in one of my Bronze Clinics!

i would aggree there is a diffrence. somtimes there probaly is a reason to yell but i would try and do it away from other parents or kids.

Well put 4thekids, bad sportsmanship is the only time my kid gets in trouble. He lost one at Subs & waited until he could find a quiet place to melt down, I found him & told him how proud I was of him for the way he handled the loss.

Randy, I still think about "people are watching" every time I see unacceptable behavior, haven't mustered the nerve to tell them that though. I guess I still have things to work on myself.

You have....

... and I hope that none of the coaches/dad's HAVE been through the Bronze!! If they have, clearly that portion of the clinic, didn't make a POSITIVE difference!!

I agree with you too!! We also witnessed this happening at Ottawa this weekend. My son wrestled an incredible 5yr old 1st year wrestler. My son gave him his second loss of the tournament and the "dad" grabbed the kid and told him he was worthless. I really felt for the kid. And if that is what was said to him right there in front of everybody, I can only imagine what the 2 hour ride home entaled. This is why so many kids are getting burnt out. That dad is there for himself not his kid.

I will have to say I lit into my kid after he lost his matches. It wasnt cause he lost. It was because he would not stop crying and didnt even try. I felt bad afterward and before he wrestled for 5th and 6th we had a very long talk. I apologized to my son. He said it was ok and he would wrestle his hardest. He did and won. He even asked me afterward can he wrestle freestyle. I politey told him no. Its time for a break and look forward to wrestling next season. I agree I do need to work on a few things being a dad coach. I have learned alot this year and will continue to learn down the road. Thanks to all those that have provided advice and keep up the good work.

I can tell you first hand what a car ride with a dad like that was like. My son endured verbal abuse for his first 4 years of wrestling. Win or lose. 1st place or no place. He was yelled at ALL the way home. He was told before every tournament that he probably wasn't going to place because he wouldn't try hard enough. He HATED wrestling! Dad is gone now, we stuck with this sport. His older sisters and I encourage him every match. Win or lose, we just sit back and let him do his thing. He actually likes it now. I think if all that his dad said to him had not been said, he would be an AWESOME wrestler. He's good, just not great. He has a lot to make up for. So dads/coaches out there: everytime you get the urge to berate your kid for the way he wrestled, think about the long term effect it will have. This is my son's 2nd season without dad. He qualified for state for the first time last year and made it to district this year. Are we now making a difference? You decide.

I am glad to see this topic getting some response. There are so many things that could be included here, but I think the bottom line is with dads coaching their children. Let me tell you, I was one of the worlds dumbest dads in this area, especially in my early days. I will forever be grateful to three people. Keith Kersey, our first kids coach in Oklahoma, Jeff Harrington coach at the Derby Club, and Coach Ed Edison of Wichita NW Grizzlies. All three, in wisdom, direct, and straight forward way addressed my issues. There was another pivotal moment though, that was seeing the movie Reversal with Kendall Cross and Kenny Monday among others. I sat and talked with Kendall, Jimi Petulla, and Alan Vint after the movie. Unfortunately, I saw myself in that movie more than I would have ever wanted to. Despite the negative criticism some have laid on that movie, it unfortunately portrayed wrestling in the way it really was, not only in the past, but for many, in the present.

Over the years I have shared some valuable lessons, lessons that has kept my son from being burned out, still loving the sport, wanting to wrestle all the time. I only wish I would have focused on a few other things but here goes. Things I have learned, not saying others have to but these were for me.

1st my first responsibility to my son and my children is to be their dad, not their coach. If there is difficulty distinguishing the difference between a coach and a dad, it is not the child’s responsibility to take the high road, but the parents. Why do we think that a child can make this distinction? Why don’t we just do what we know is in the best interest of the child.

2nd Yelling at a kid right before, right after, or during a match does nothing but confuse the child. In fact, I don’t know what yelling ever accomplishes. Again, this from a dad who was among the world’s worst. I have seen more dads and even a few coaches, loose matches for kids due to yelling at them during a match. If your wrestler doesn’t know what to do when they are on the mat, (in 90% of cases) then it isn’t the wrestlers fault, it is the coaches, or dads fault.

3rd when it all boils down, I think the most important thing you can teach a kid, is to #1 have fun, #2 do your best, #3 walk on and off the mat like a champion, no matter what.

I am not saying never discipline your child, in fact, disciplining your child from temper tantrums during a match, disrespecting an opponent, or things of that nature can take place, and should, off the mat, in private, and after you are calm.

Personally, I wish more parents, officials, table workers and the like would address these issues as they occur mat side. I also wish more tournament directors would provide ejections and insist on appropriate tournament behavior.

I have learned a lot over the years, and it has been a few now, I was far from perfect, still am. I have many regrets, many I will never be able to change. I have a strange suspicion though, that if these parents who are doing this to their children love their children, they will also live with regrets. Let me assure you, there are better things to live with than the regret of knowing you could have been a better dad to your child. In the end, I don’t care if my children don’t know me as their coach, I have every desire though that they will know me as their Papa.

I understand losing is going to happen. The kid is better than you, you get caught, or you just had an off day. All of this is okay, you're going to lose sometimes. There is always someone out there better than you or the kid next to you. I don't understand giving up. If you fight and keep fighting and still lose, oh well. But if you give up, you are probably going to have to explain some things. Just my opinion, let me hear your thoughts.

let me tell you there has been some great and postive posting here on this subject. even know i started the topic your comments on here will help me for years to come. i love being a dad/coach for now i can teach him the basics when he turns 7 or 8 i am going to leave the coaching to some one better qualified than me. and i hope his coach to be then reads these post.

I saw the incident that brought this topic up for discussion. I also can relate to what everyone else talking about this subject is saying about yelling at our kids, getting emotional while they wrestle, and having concern about exactly what it is that we are teaching our kids. My wife and I both work in professions created to protect kids from abuse and neglect so this incident immediately concerned us. I believe this incident occurred because a young wrestler had a moment of not so good sportsmanship and an emotional charged father/coach then reacted inappropriately.

My son had wrestled a tough little guy from TOHK a few matches prior and lost (he could have used a way better coach than me).
During the match I think I was yelling almost the entire 3 periods and believe it was instructions like, "get off your back, bridge, and don't quit"!(the kind of advice/instruction I used to get and the kind I think my son needed to survive that match without getting pinned)! I was very proud of my son for listening to me during the match and doing all those things I yelled for him to do combined with wrestling hard, and then even better, displaying good sporstsmanship after he lost. I then stayed on the floor after the match to watch some of the other 49 lb kids and saw the incident that brought this issue up. The kid at the receiving end of this just was pinned after wrestling his heart out and then reacted by throwing a little tantrum on the mat. I believe it was his dad/coach who then "lost his cool". The man grabbed the boy by his arm, jerked him around by the arm a few times, and then pulled him in close to his face and told him, to "knock it off", with an angry demeanor that was inappropriate. He then angerly pulled the boy by the arm into the commons area and sat the boy in a chair at a table. The boy needed to be taken some where so he could have been redirected however, given the man's demeanor, the way this was accomplished was also over the top. I walked to the commons area behind them hoping this was not going to get any worse. I saw the dad get down to his sons level on a knee, and completely changed his approach for the better, thankfully. It appeared to me that he was explaining appropriately and sincerely and I was satisfied the man regained his composure. His son was receptive to this and seemed to be responsive to what dad was saying so I went back to the gym with the feeling this was taking a much needed turn for the better. I then went to where my wife and son were seated in the corner of the gym and asked them if they saw the incident. They had. I took the opportunity to comment, "See, I'm not so bad, am I"?

In any case, all of us in that corner of the gym witnessed something that needs to be addressed. It was terrible for our kids to witness and is simply "bad" in so many ways for the sport we love. I hope this was a one time incident where emotions got the best of this pariticular dad. I hope this is an embarassing learning experience for the father that will prevent this from happening again. I also hope this is not a common approach he utilizes to parent his children. If it is, I hope somebody from the Augusta club who knows him will talk to him about this.

First off I would like to apologize to anyone who witnessed the event. I am pretty sure I know who the parent in question is. Our parents know this kind of behavior is not tolerated by our club. With that being said, this is not the first time someone has seen the same kind of behavior from this parent. Our board and coaches will be meeting soon to discuss this issue. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Jake Goldenstein
President AWC