Jason-
I'm not saying you have to remove the fire from him but show him the right way to hide it until he's out of sight or at home. There is no need for a meltdown at a Tournament just because he's "good" and he loses. He loses he loses, it's part of it, no one's perfect, ask Dan Gable. Like I said if you don't punish him for his outbursts what's going to make him quit? He'll keep doing it until he's forced to cool off. It's not only embarassing for him but for his teammates as well, I know first hand how bad it is, we had several on our team when I was in school. It makes everone look bad.
I understand being upset about losing but crying everytime makes you look weak. He will begin to understand that as time gets older and he gets to high school. Will he still be crying when he losses? If you don't begin to stop it now it won't fix it's self. It may not be crying when he's older, it may be a fit where he walks off throwing his headgear, cussing, etc. You tell me how that will make his team look?
Actions speak louder than words, so quit talking to the kids and punish them. They aren't going to respond to threats with no follow through, but it's their choice and eventually my choice if the outburst is bad enough as to whether their day is done or not. It's not a choice us as official's like to make but sometimes we are forced too.
Alex
Awesome points Alex! I just had to quote you (even though those reading this thread could easily have read it for themselves).
I too, have seen waaaaay too many (in my opinion....and many others i suspect) kids throwing fits. Meltdowns will happen from time to time, especially in the lower ages, but when it is repetitious, it's tired, destructive, and reflects poorly on the individual, coaches, club, tournament, and the sport we all love.
Parenting (when actually done) is not easy work (and trust me, I'm not the best by any means). We can all see pathetic examples of poor parenting all around us. It's not fun or easy to lay into your kid when they have done or are doing wrong, but if you don't, you, and more importantly, your kid will pay the price down the road...guaranteed...one way or another.
The popular culture always seems to be able to explain bad behavior in kids (or even adults for that matter) for us is touchy feely BS terms that result in idiotic failed (countless examples everywhere you look) approaches that further end up shaping and molding kids that are these meltdown types we've all seen.
Self-esteem is not awarded, it's earned. Good behavior in kids is not some random chance thing. True all kids are different, but if you, as a wet-noodle parent throw up your hands and whine "he won't listen...blah...blah...blah.." Shut up and keep doing the hard work of disciplining your meltdown artist or you will end up getting a phone call from jail from your kid when they grow older...or worse, you'll get a visit from uniformed officers asking you to come down and identify your kid.
Also, make sure the coach and club you and your kid are involved with have a strong and disciplined "code of conduct". Not necessarily something that is hard-coded in some document, but at least their approach, etc. If they allow meltdowns, involvement by out-of-control parents, etc... you need to find another club. Get your kid away from these poor examples of behavior, or again, you and they will pay the price at some point.
Excellent thread.
