In the days that followed State this year, I looked into our Sr's eyes and saw the true Hearts of a Wrestler; what it means to have wrestled and fallen short, but always looking forward to the next match, and the next chance. I remembered my own tears when high school was over, and what it felt to have come up short of my goals, and how I wanted nothing more than 1 more match, and how much this sport means to the thousands of young men who do their very best, every match, for love of the sport, and for the life of the sport. I'll miss you guys, but you know that the room is always open for you to come back, anytime!
LAST MATCH
D. Holloway – Feb. 28, 2008 – Seaman Vikings Wrestling
It’s a hard thing to swallow, knowing that it is all over. All the countless hours, sweating and training in the practice room, drill after drill and match after match. The seemingly endless days of tournaments and waiting for your 6 minutes, where you are at the center of everything, and only 1 other person seeks to share your moment in the spotlight. You’ve had matches before, some of them big and some that you had already looked past and on to the next opponent. But this one was different. It was like time itself. You never know how long you have in life, but you keep going and think you are eternal and that time will keep going forward with you alongside it. But not this time.
This match was different. This was the instant that it all changed, because this time, when the buzzer sounded and the ref’s whistle blew and the victor’s hand was raised, your hands were still by your side. Someone else was jumping into their coach’s arms, celebrating the victory, being congratulated by their teammates and loved ones. You were left behind; that sour taste creeps into your mouth and that sinking feeling into your stomach as you come to realize that that was the last one, your last time on the mat. You had so many goals left to achieve; how could it all be over? You feel a whirlwind of emotions – rage, guilt, sadness, numb. You don’t even remember shaking hands with the opposing coach. You start to second-guess yourself, to doubt yourself. “What if I had done this?” or “Why didn’t I do that?” or “If only I had 2 more seconds, I would have scored and won!”.
You walk to your coaches, vaguely aware that they are even there to try to lift you back up, or of your teammates who try to support and encourage you, to tell you that you’ll be allright. You just want to be alone. You feel like you have left everyone down: yourself, your coaches, your team, and your loved ones. As you step across the line and off the mat, you don’t want to look back, to the scene of the crime. You have battled there before, and you always knew that there would be another match, somewhere, sometime, win or lose. But not this time, and it breaks your heart.
Those who you are closest to share your loss: your family and your team. And losing is just that: a loss. You have lost a part of your life, like you have lost a loved one. This sport, wrestling, that you have dedicated so much time, blood, sweat, tears, and heart to, it isn’t just a pastime or hobby; it has taken on a life of its own, a life that is now gone, empty and broken. No amount of encouragement or well-wishing will stop the feeling that you have right now. Only with time, that time that you thought you had so much of, can heal what pain you have at this moment.
Your feelings may fade; they may even go away entirely, as you move on through your life, and live through each new experience without looking back. But for those who are truly dedicated, who have made wrestling a way of life, the feeling is unforgettable and unmistakable. It is a part of you, and it will follow you wherever you go, along with the lessons it has taught you. Wrestling has been your life, your family, your best friend and worst enemy. Perhaps no other endeavor in your life has done more for you than this sport; no other comes close to teaching you the intimacy of personal sacrifice, the call to hone your muscles to their highest potential, to train them to react & respond without thinking. The will to fight through adversity and look for the smallest opportunity to change the outcome. To win with humility & respect for your opponent and to lose with dignity & the resolve to do better.
You long to return; to feel the mat under your feet and the smell of the sweat in a hot practice room. Maybe not as the combatant, but reborn anew as a coach, fueled by the memory of loss and of victory and charged with the training of a new generation of wrestlers, hoping that they will take up the gauntlet and accept the challenge to step into that circle for 6 minutes, under that spotlight, and dare their opponents to stop them from glory!
“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.” & “The strong do what they have to do and the weak accept what they have to accept.”- Thucydides
