I recently got my bronze card thinking I could make a differance in my sons matches only to find out my coaching is more beneficial to other club members. One of the other posts made the statemant "to close to the situation". I believe this may be true for myself. I coached several years of little leauge baseball and football without this problem. I think its easier for me to find seperation in team sports. I let my 10 yr. old coach my 5yr. old last saturday and I think we all learned something.I feel that coaching has taught me alot about myself. Its taught me that kids arent the only ones who have lessons to learn. We all need to keep growing.

That had to be an eye opener for you! But I admire you for having enough courage to do it.

Anybody else have a story to relate?

This is a serious bump from the past.

After going through some of the old archives, I found this to be a great post. Over the last year since I posted on here, I have personally coached Nathan less and less. A great contributor to that is his involvement with Summer Wrestling. It is a great topic of discussion and one worth new coaches and new parents looking at and thinking about. I hope that the old thread gets some new input.

I would like to answer this from a High School perspective. There are some outstanding coaches at the kids level, and there are a few that need their butts kicked. A few years ago at a kids tournament, I saw a kid give his best and lose. A kid of around 10 or so. His dad was in his corner. His dad pulled him by his arm out into a commons area, and began slapping him in the face telling him that he needed to toughen up. Another parent, from our community walked over to the dad and told him very quietly "if you slap your kid one more time, I'm gonna slap YOU! All that you are doing now is make him hate wrestling!"

Some parents get WAY too invloved in their kids wrestling. Some do a great job of balancing the two. There have been some great posts on this thread. My main concern is fairly simple. I want the kids wrestling in High School, and I really don't care how much success they have at the kids level. I have seen many kids state champions quit wrestling because they are burned out. Obviously, these kids were not handled correctly by someone.

I finally found the thread that started all this talk! Recently my interest in this topic has been renewed!

What a great repost from the past Randy. I have to say, that this year, although I still offer tips and advice, it has been the best year ever with my son. He is in High School, and I seldom see even any of the practices. I am having much more fun being my son's dad than I ever had being his coach. By the way, he is doing pretty well this year to boot.

I think everyone kinda agrees that coaching and being a father is not the same thing. I have no kids of my own but I have been around examples and I tihnk the important thing for everyone to remember is the kids is to come first. If and when I have children- you bet I will be there to coach them and push them into being their best but I will also be a good father and listen to their concerns. When the time comes for coaches to coach and fathers to be fathers I will step aside and let their coach coach, but I will tell you that I will also be there at home to talk to them and work with them to become their best. First you are their father , then their coach, and then father again. Never down grade a child for losing- use it as a building block and keep things fun for them. From time to time you will have to be not so fun but in the need- being the best father you can be is the most important

As my older son creeps closer to highschool I am beging to realize even more that coaching your own child is a privlege. We have spent time working out together this year and I am watching him turn into a young man. My focus has turned from worry over winning to trying to get him prepared to make more of his own decisions. Turning loose even in small amounts is difficult but necessary to see if as a parent you have taught your kids the right things. In the past I believe I focused to much on the mistakes. Worried that He might not be able to correct himself. But if he is to become a good man he will have to have room to recover without me trying to do it for him. Making sure when our children are young and dependant on us that we dont make ourselves so hard that we dont provide any cushion when they fall will help ensure that when they are a parent/coach they will do a better job than we did. I hope I still have time to soften to try and correct past mistakes with my older son and avoid mistakes with my younger son. I hope that at some point I teach more when I coach than I learn but at this point my kids and others are helping me to learn more lessons than I teach.
Jon Murray
Parsons Wrestling Club

I'll agree with all this but I know a kid that wont listen to our actual coach and listens to his dad which actually isnt a coach but used to be a good wrestler..but he jus doesnt know the correct stuff that works for his son..I think parents try to live those dreams through there kids and dont let there kids have there own style of wrestling..but wrestling should be one family..it is here in russell anyways

what makes some dads harder on their own kid than they are someone else's? I know one kid who quit wrestling on account of his dad but he also said he was ready to hang it up when he could pick out his moms voice at Tulsa Nationals and she was near the top towards the middle when he was oppisite side near the end.

I thought I would bump this back up!

Randy,

You picked a great topic for discussion and have already received some great responses. I think each person's situation is unique and requires a thoughtful answer. A new person to our sport can read the responses to your comments and gain some real insight into how others have handled their situations.

My response is that coaching ANY person is a priviledge and even more so if the person is your son or daughter. I think that for most of us an arm's length approach is better because it helps to maintain perspective in our total responsibility as parents. Wrestling is so personal that maintaining perspective and seeing the big picture is very difficult.

I know some kids that have done awesome being coached by their parents through the years, i also know some kids who havent though. But still on the majority I have noticed that the parents generally have a way of getting to their kids. My dad has coached me since I was 7 years old and still does outside of HS wrestling and I have never once had a problem with him at matside. I have also had other coaches be able to get to me better than he has but that came when i got older and got into more upper level wrestling. Just thought I would post my views on this whole thing.

I started coaching my son in his 2nd year of wrestling because I noticed that the coaches he had in his first year were far more concerned about the older kids and put my son off to the side. Along with that, there were so many politics in whose kids were percieved to be more talented because of who their dads or siblings were (or board members) that many of the other kids on the club were held back. Once I got my card and started coaching my own son and showing him things he needed to learn to match his strengths, he blossomed into one of the top kids in his area (but he's the one who decided to be at the top and worked hard to get there, I just helped him along). Once he got older and reached a level that surpassed my knowledge, I had to look elsewhere for help and turned the reigns over to more qualified and experienced coaches that could help him go further and he has continued to broaden his knowledge and skills to another level. I guess what I'm trying to say is that dads coaching their kids can be a positive thing, but there comes a point where sometimes they need to step back and let others show the kids things that can advance them further and help them broaden their skill base. I've always believed that dads who have total control over what their kids learn and how they train will only hinder them in the future when they reach the point where they need to expand their growth to keep up with the competition.

I Agree with most of the post also it is not a right it is a PRIVALAGE to coach your own kid or close relative that is in any sport. But some folks take advatange of that fact. Sometimes I find my self doing and it is a hard thing to get used to not getting over excited over an win or to take the lose that the get receives. In all actuallity it is a very BIG & IMPORTANT PRIVALAGE to coach you'r own kid or close relative so if you are doing it or thinking about doing it if someone tells you that you are getting to serious or pushing the kid to hard take it to heart and rethink your coaching style or technique. But we do encourage all parent to help in all wrestling programs weather it be as a coach or in some form of a club supportor. Go HUTCH KIDS WRESTLING

As we have several "new" parents and coaches coming into our ranks, I thought I would again ... bump!

Randy, a great thread to bump, one that should be discussed every year. I would as well encourage every new parent to read through this thread, there is some great advice from differing points of view.

I have seen many parents say & do mean things to there kids after losing a match. I saw a dad one time had his son pinned on the wall and said we spent 300 dollars to come here then you wrestle like that. I just wanted to say to parents that when your son or daughter loses a match they may be just out classed. I seems like when kids lose some parents & coaches always think it was somthing the kid did wrong. There will always be wrestlers that can beat your (and my) kids even when they do everyting right. The kids are trying to do there best dont beat them down about losing. If you see somthing your kid does wrong (technique) wait untill the sting of the loss is over then talk to them about it. Then you have a better chance of them retaining your point. I just want to see less kids getting yelled at & jerked around because they lost. This will be our 5th year of wrestling for my kids & there is somthing I noticed when my sons are wrestling a kid that they are better than they look good hitting many moves they have been taught. On the other hand when they are a out classed by a better wrestler they look like they are not applying what they have learned in practice. Parents & coaches keep this in mind its not what your kid is doing wrong its what the other kid is doing right.

Great post Michael.