Thank you for your kind words, but lucky for the Manhattan Optimist Club, I will not be coaching. Along with being officially retired, I save my coaching talents for city league basketball (runner-up, whatwhat!), T-ball (undefeated!), and soccer (0-8!). Sadly, a certain person who we'll call "Lent Brane" does not consider me to be a real coach.

Now, Mr. Lane, I know you and your fellow moderators are coaches as well...who offers the best grub? And be honest- have you ever continued going to a tournament just because of the food?