Hey, sorry. I forgot to mention Coach Ox. So here goes:

Coach Ox is perhaps the scariest of all our fat, lazy coaches. He'd weird out any other coaches because sometimes he bites on his shirt, and he's got this HUGE hickey on his neck. Also, if he's ever on top, he'll intentionally hit the other team's coaches in the private-particulars, just because he's cheap like that.

Satisfied?